? Sunday, July 5
and so 3 mths of grueling hard work has paid off.
i've earned that firebadge which qualifies me as a firefighter.
3 mths of hell for sure but yeah there were also alot of memories.
sweet memories.
mental and physical exhaustion.
not only in camp but from my social life too.
so basically every recruit on that night was feeling so damn high.
except for one,
and so i prioritized you over my family.it was just one fucking night.
you cld hv been a friend for that 1 night.isnt that what you wanted
i somewhat knew u were avoiding me,yea i knew i wasnt moving on.
i knew u wanted to make it clear this time but it cldnt hv cm at a better time.
those words didnt caught me by surprised.
yet i blanked.yeah jammed bro.
and so i invited my family,namely my sis mom bro in law and granny.
but my mom came with nurul and rashid instead.
and so everyone was grinning ear to ear with joy.
having great time with their loved ones and friends.
i looked upon them with much disdain
i felt so much hatred towards myself.i felt like a loser.
but i put on a fake smile and enjoyed the nite with the rest.
well at least i made my mom proud i think.
well that nite marks the end of 37th ffc and everything else.
i didnt meant what i said on the phone that night.
you shld know me better. don't worry there wont be hatred just pain.
if it's really over why am i still hoping.
....2:13 am
